


How To Save A Life

by Waywardsistershy



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Black Widow - Freeform, Blood and Injury, Captain America - Freeform, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Hulk - Freeform, Iron Man - Freeform, Language, Marvel Universe, Other, The Avengers - Freeform, The Winter Soldier - Freeform, falcon - Freeform, sad Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:54:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waywardsistershy/pseuds/Waywardsistershy
Summary: Steve is still reeling from what happened
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	How To Save A Life

**Author's Note:**

> So this little drabble was inspired by TikTok creator theobsessedmarvelfan. She has a little series going on about how the Avengers would react to you dying and the one she did of Steve Rogers was just beyond amazing and I needed to write down what I had in my head for it. I titled the story after the song the TikTok creator used on her video. I hope you like it and I hope that the TikTok creator sees this and thinks it’s good as well. So I can't all the credit for it. Enjoy!
> 
> This is also my first Marvel fics to be posted.

"Be careful up there," Steve had said to you. He had grabbed your upper arm and pulled you in towards his chest. His free hand cradled the back of your neck and looked deep into your Y/E/C eyes. Drinking in all the love and passion he saw in them at that moment. Finally, he dipped down and pressed his lips firmly to yours. Earning himself a small moan from you against his lips.

"You're cute when you worry about me," you pulled away and stared into Steve's eyes. Worry isn't his only guest, fear was there too. "Its just a quick walk around and making sure everything is all good." Steve only sighed and let go of your arm. "I'll be fine, babe. Don't forget we have those dinner reservations tonight." 

Steve watched as you walked away from him. How could he forget dinner tonight? Steve thought to himself as he walked away. He had thought about the black laced box sitting in his night stand at the compound. In it sat the simple diamond ring he had planned on presenting to you that very evening. 

***

"I'll be fine, babe."

Those words echoed in Steve's head as if on repeat as he punched his way through his fourth punching bag. Steve wanted to forget everything about that day. He wanted to bury the aching pain that was coursing through his entire being. He wanted to bury it deep down with each punch he threw at the bag in front of him. He just wanted to feel numb to it all. But he just couldn't. It was his reminder that you had been real. You flipped his whole world around with a simple, easy "hello" and with a breathtakingly, painful "goodbye."

Steve took a step away from the punching bag, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. He needed to think of something else. He needed to keep his mind from steering towards that day. He needed to think of something happy. Something that can help him through the pain. With a small but pained smile on his face, Steve thought about yours and his first kiss some years ago. 

It had been really late at night and the briefing had run long. Steve couldn't keep his eyes off you the whole time Tony or Bruce talked. You had been oblivious to the super soldier staring at you as your eyes had either been focused on the notepad in front of you or who ever was talking. When the briefing was finally over, Steve noticed you walk outside to the court yard and followed you. Being the gentleman that he was, he asked to sit next to you. Steve saw the way your face turned pink as you said yes. The two of you talked for a few more hours before having to call it a night. Steve had offered to walk you back to your room and you said yes. But the two of you got lost looking into each others eyes, that Steve couldn't hold it together. He bent down and kissed your soft lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Welcoming whatever came next.

***

"How's it looking up there?" Steve asked you through the mic on his wrist. He, Natasha and Bucky just cleared their end and exited the building. Steve had barely heard from you the whole time and his heart had been racing like a rocket. He needed to check in. 

"We're all clear up here," your voice coming through his ear piece made him smile. "We are just passing through the fourth floor. Shouldn't be too much longer, Captain." Steve could hear and see the smirk on your face as your called him Captain. You knew calling him Captain did things to him.

"Move faster, Agent Y/L/N," He said into the mic, smiling and turning around. It was in that moment that Steve remembered everyones mics and ear pieces were all on the same channel. Natasha was smirking and raising one her eyebrows. Steve could already hear the teasing coming from her. Steve glanced over at his best friend who was pretending to take an interest in the metal railing next to him. He too could see the impending teasing coming from him as well. It was no secret that you and Steve Roger were dating and very, highly intimate with each other. To the point that it comes out during missions.

Before Steve could say anything about what had just happened, the building exploded behind him. Steve spun around to see the glass and debris from the fourth floor and up fall around him. Every part of his body went stone cold and his heart stopped. His only thought in that moment was you. 

"Y/N?!" Steve called your name into the mic. His heart had been pounding now. "Y/N, Sweetheart? Can hear me? Are you okay?" Panic rose within him with each word he said.

After a couple minutes there was static. "Steve..." your voice, no your pained groan, was barely heard before static took over again.

***

Steve stopped punching the bag and shook his head, taking a deep breath. He felt the onslaught of tears threatening to escape. Steve started to punch the bag again but this time, with more force. Causing the chain above it to shake almost violently. With each punch and each grunt, Steve fought the tears back. He tried really hard to push down the rest of that painful day. 

"Happy thoughts," Steve grunted to himself. "Happy memories." 

Steve found himself thinking about how your bare skin felt against his when the two of you would make love late into the night. He thought about how you would sigh deeply when he would kiss the back or side of your neck. When he would kiss down your body, he would always glance up and see you staring down at him. A small moan would always escape your lips and you would always drop your head back into the pillows.

Steve would kiss all the way down to your inner thigh, making sure not to miss your extremely sensitive clit. He would always plant a small and gentle kiss there. Then he would take the tip of his nose and slowly trail it from the inner thigh to your clit, where he would gently wiggle it, making your squirm and whimper and claw at the sheets around you. Which was his absolute favorite response from you. From there he would trail his nose up your body and to the base of your chin. Steve would then give you a gentle kiss on the lips before pushing up on his arms to stare into your beautiful Y/E/C eyes. 

***

Steve ran in to the almost collapsing building. Ignoring his request to stay back and make sure civilians made it out okay, Bucky went in after his best friend. The two weaved through the panic crowd, ushering those who grabbed hold of them towards the exit. 

"I thought I told you to stay back," Steve turned to Bucky in the stairwell.

"I'm not going to let you do something so fucking stupid," Bucky countered as he followed Steve up the stairs.

"Saving the love of my life isn't stupid," Steve said cooly. Gosh, why couldn't Bucky just listen for once today.

"No," Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and spun him around. The fear and worry was written all over his face. "But running into a collapsing building is." 

The two looked at each other for a few seconds. "Y/N said they were passing through the fourth floor." Steve pulled his arm back and the continued up the stairs until they reached the fourth floor. 

To Steve's horror, everything was blown to bits. Fire raged all around them. Wires and cables dangled dangerously close to the ground. The ventilation system from the ceiling was close to falling. This had to be the heart of the explosion.

"You take that side and I'll take this side."

Steve and Bucky went to work flipping through pieces of falling debris and under it with no luck at all. Steve began to panic with each passing minute he couldn't find you. He would call out to you and would get nothing in return. 

"Guys," Natasha's voice sounded in their ear pieces. "This building is about to go down any minute."

"We're not leaving until we find Y/N," Bucky said tossing back a chunk of ceiling.

"Buck," Steve stopped what he was doing. "You go on out, I'll stay."

"The fuck I'm not," Bucky's voice was firm. "I'm not going to leave your ass in here."

Steve closed his eyes. "Buck," he said slowly opening his eyes. They were beginning to sting with the smoke and ash around him. "I'm not going to-" That when something under a table and slab of ceiling caught his eye. A pair of legs. And by the combat boots, he knew it was you. "Bucky! Get over here. I found her," He yelled.

Together, Steve and Bucky moved the slab and table. Steve just about lost his balance when he saw your body laying there. Motionless. Steve knelt down and noticed a huge gash on your forehead. The blood looked like it had slowed down. Steve placed his ear to your chest and heard a faint thumping of your heart and a small raise of your chest. Steve sighed with a slight smile on his face.

"It's okay Sweetheart, I got you now," Steve gathered you into his arms and painful scream left your lips. Leaving Steve wide eyed and he knew right then and there, that there was more to your injuries.

That's when the next and final explosion hit. Bucky urgently ushered Steve, who was carrying you, into the stairwell before the rest of the that floor was gone.

***

Steve's punches got more forceful as he remembered that scream. The tears that Steve had fought so hard to hold back, were starting to roll down his face. That scream echoed through his head at night. Keeping him up and leaving him restless the next morning. No matter what Steve did to bury that scream, he would always hear it. And it always killed him.

"Shouldn't have let her go," Steve said through the tears and in between the forceful punches. The chain above above started to give way. "Should have told her stay behind." 

Steve thought about the night of Tony's dinner party. The fifth dinner party that month. How many dinner parties can one man have? Steve remembered the two of you getting ready and arguing about the mission. Steve didn't want you to go and didn't have a good enough reason as to why. You pointed it out too and that caused Steve to raise the white flag of surrender. Not to mention you were wearing the dress he absolutely loved on you. The dress that would drive him crazy until he had his way with you. The dress that still sits in his closet where he would touch it and smell it each night. Just to catch that faint smell of the perfume you used that night.

Steve remembered being at the dinner party, secretly hoping you'd enjoy yourself just a little too much. He hoped that when you woke up that morning, you would be too hungover and sick to do that mission. How could Steve explain the sickening pit in his stomach about you and that mission? How could he explain that he knew something was going to happen? He could only hope at this point. You did enjoy yourself that night. You even convinced Steve to wonder off from the dinner party for an intimate quickie. Steve didn't mind, he hoped maybe he could get you exhausted enough to sleep in.

But you woke up that morning feeling amazing. Steve tried, again, to talk you out of it but, you got upset and walked away from him. You had barely said a word to him until he told you to be careful that day. 

"I'll be fine, babe," those words echoed again through his head. 

"But you weren't," Steve hit the bag harder. "And you're not here. I should have just dragged you off the helicopter. Only then you would still be here."

***

Steve paced around the hospital waiting room. It felt like forever since they arrived with you and they immediately rushed you off to surgery. Natasha tried to get Steve to sit but he kept pushing her arm away from him. 

"Steve," her calm voice would try and make him focus. "You need to sit down and relax."

"You know what," Steve turned on her, his tone sharp. "Until we know how she is, I won't sit down and relax." Natasha stopped trying after that and got coffee for everyone every hour or so. Steve turned it down each time she offered.

Bucky on the other hand just stared at his best friend. Bucky knew from the moment Steve picked you up and you screamed, your internal organs were massively messed up. It would take a miracle for you to make it off that table alive. But he couldn't tell that to Steve. Steve would probably throw him out of the hospital. 

After what seemed like forever, a doctor came out looking for Steve. The doctor took Steve by the shoulders and walked him off somewhere where the team couldn't hear. Natasha and Bucky gave each other horrified looks. They knew what was about to go down. 

"Son," the older doctor in a soft and calm ton. "I'm sorry to say this, but she didn't make it." 

Steve's whole entire being froze. It felt like he started to sway from side to side so Steve grabbed the wall for support. "What?" He asked, it felt like his voice had been caught in his throat. "She was just breathing a few hours ago. Her heart was beating."

The doctor took a deep breath. "The damage to her insides was worse than we thought. Her lungs were punctured by broken ribs. There was massive internal bleeding that no one could stop or find where it was coming from. Then there was her heart-"

"What about her heart?!" Steve's voice rose and the next thing he felt was Natasha's hand on his arm. 

The doctor looked towards Natasha who nodded her head for him to go on. "Her heart just stopped during surgery. We tried for an hour to bring her back. There was nothing else we could do. I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Natasha sent the doctor on his way. When she looked back at Steve, she saw that his entire world falling apart in his eyes. But it wasn't compared to what he was feeling on the inside. 

Steve felt like he had been hit by a car. The words the doctor said echoed louder and over Natasha's words. What was she trying to say? Steve couldn't tell or even focus on what she was saying. His body had felt like it had been plunged into arctic waters. Steve slowly and shakily turned to face the wall, pressing his hands on it for even more support.

Tears rolled down Steve's face as he tried to get his breathing together. He stared at the wall for what seemed like forever until his arms gave out and he fell against the wall and slide down to his knees. Natasha was right by his side, taking him into her arms letting him be vulnerable. 

"She's gone Nat," Steve whispered. "Y/N is gone."

"I know, Steve, I know."

***

Steve had stopped punching the bag and just stared at the bag in front of him. The tears had stopped and left his face emotionless. He knew he needed to stop thinking and replaying that day over and over in his head. He knew he needed to move on from you. But he just couldn't do it. No matter how hard he tried. The pain and the grief of your death would just consume him until he felt numb.

Just as he felt now.

***

Steve was numb. It took Natasha everything she had to drag him out of the compound and to your funeral. Steve didn't want to go. He didn't want to see your lifeless body laying there in a casket. But Natasha forced him to. 

"As much as it hurts," she said parking the car at the church. "This will help you move on or heal or something." 

Steve just stared at the people walking into the church. He would soon have to face this now or never. "Let's just get this over with."

Steve sat in the pew and listened to the preacher talk about your life and the service to your country and people. Steve smiled because he knew how proud you were of serving but more proud to serve the world. But he never took his eyes off your motionless body except for one time.

Steve glanced up to see your mother staring at him and that brought back the memory of him having to go her door and telling her that you weren't coming home. Losing you was the hardest thing he ever experienced but seeing your mother break down and scream insults at him, killed him even more. It ended with your mother slapping him and slamming the door on his face. Steve closed his eyes and fought back more tears.

"You should have protected her better," your mother had said. And Steve couldn't agree more. He should have but he couldn't. It was out of his control.

When the time came to put you into the ground, it felt like Steve was losing you all over again. Steve watched as family, friends, and team members put flowers or small tokens on top of your casket. Steve held a bouquet of your favorite flowers on his lap and in his pocket, was the laced box with the engagement ring. 

"I can take those up for you," Bucky leaned forward from his seat behind Steve.

Steve looked around and saw a few people looking at him. "No, I got this. Thanks buddy." With that, Steve stood up and made his way towards your casket. Each step he took, tore at his heart. Each step he took, took his breath away. Each step he took, took him closer to that painful, final goodbye.

Steve laid the flowers down and reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box. He opened and stared at the diamond ring. Taking a long and deep breath, Steve set it down on your casket. 

"Goodbye, Sweetheart."

***

With a forceful punch, Steve set that fourth punching bag across the room. As he turned around to grab another bag, he saw Sam standing in the doorway. He had his arms crossed. 

"It's been two months," Sam said walking into the room.

"I know how long it's been," Steve picked up the next bag and hooked it up. 

"Don't you think you've gone through enough punching bags?" 

Steve turned to face his friend. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying," Sam took a deep breath and a few more steps towards Steve. "Punching your way through bag after bag isn't going to bring Y/N back. She'd want you to move on."

Steve turned away and started to wrap his hand up for another round. "Don't you think I know that? I was there when she got hurt. I was there when she died. I was there when they lowered her six feet into the ground."

"Steve," Sam started to say softly, lowering his arms.

"No," Steve said firmly. "Just stop and leave me be."

Sam looked down at the ground and nodded. "Alright, just remember you have friends and a team to lead. So when you're done with this," he gestures to the remaining bags on the floor a few feet from Steve. "Come back to us." With that, Sam walked out closing the door behind him.

Steve stared at the hanging bag in front of him. He knew Sam was right. He knew you would want him to stop this wallowing and depressing stage to move on and lead. He just missed you so much. 

He looked down at his half wrapped hand and began to unwrap it. He tossed the material to the side as he walked out of the room. He walked through the kitchen, where everyone was sitting and starring, watching and waiting to see what his next move would be. 

Steve turned to them with an eyebrow raised. "Training room. Now."

The End


End file.
